Insomnia at 1:00 Am

Can't fall asleep at 1:00 am. Have a very early morning, but somehow widely awake.
I can't remember the last time when I go to bed after two o'clock. I guess when you have to get up unreasonable early for five days in a row, you just quit being a late sleeper. Back in Beijing, in those lonely days staying in my "attic", which is on the sixteenth floor of a building, I used a lot of coffee to keep me awake even at 5.00 in the morning, which now becomes the time I have to get up. I would lie in bed, and suddenly thought about something and got really excited that I was determined to get up and write in my computer. One night I couldn't keep the due paper out of my mind, so I got up after I went to bed at 3.00 am and made myself a huge amount of coffee. I just felt the eagerness to complete that damn thing right then at the very moment. I was exciting, and would look out of the window where the lights from the hight way were shining like stars.
Now it was just me, and my computer. No lights cause I live on the second floor. I go to bed early and get up early. The stupid part time job makes me like an old woman who feels the urgent to sleep after 11.00 pm. I've got tons of things to do within next several days, some of which cannot even finished only by myself. My futuer is unseeable. What I do know is I will have a serious "hangover" from my insomnia.

节日的歌曲

节日会让人突然喜欢听cheesy的音乐。在网上偶尔听到有人用不标准的普通话唱着《爱转角》，竟然暗暗感动了一把。昨天听到陶喆的《就是爱你》，突然在那一刻才好像真正感到了圣诞。我猜想是这首歌让我想到以前在北京高高的房间有着烧得冒烟却并不很热的暖气的圣诞吧。
每逢圣诞如果是有心情，必定会听Fairtytale of New York, "You're a bum,You're a punk,You're an old slut on junk". 让我幻想在Big Apple的Central Park里,hippies呵着热气在雪地里用一杯hot soup取暖的shabby Christmas. 有一种心酸的温馨。。"I got a feeling, this year is you and me." 是大人是世故和风霜。可是每当爱尔兰式的轻快旋律响起来的时候，心里就突然变得明亮。"when you first took my hand in a cold christmas eve, you promise me broadway was waiting for me. "
给我听这首歌的人说因为歌里对对方“爱的称呼”有点特别，都不敢放给他的学生们听。可是同时也知道，我们大可以互相叫骂着对方庆祝christmas。
When Christmas Comes to Town也是一首可以随时把我带进圣诞气氛的歌，两个小男孩的声音，是最诚挚的圣诞祈祷。在我们还不知道这个世界有那么多苦痛前，真心的期盼着每个节日。

Christmas Achievement

Christmas achievement,是在晚上八点的时候终于把美女餐厅第三版所有关都打成了星形，就是全都是Expert的意思。除此之外，别无所有。
每一年到了festive season，总是会想起去年这个时候在做什么，在哪里过的，跟谁一起。于是总是不免感伤，怀念。感叹一番物是人非，时光不在之类的。只是我觉得，我始终没有get这个节日，这个叫做圣诞节的节日。努力想要fit in，只是好像一直没办法。有过疯狂的尝试，也努力想要制造美好的气氛。可是每一年，都像是喝到最后剩在瓶子里的酸奶，尴尬的悬挂着，即使是笑着也有点讪讪。
今年的平安夜是这样变得平庸无奇的。先是之前说要出去吃饭，V说要吃中餐，于是被我否决了。决定留在家里吃饭，然后出去喝一杯，接着去教堂。到了平安夜这一天下午，我还在店里，突然说，其实我们干脆不要出去，买一堆酒在家里把自己灌醉就好了。于是going out的计划也取消了。
吃了饭也就八点多了，始终没有心情去碰买回来的酒。我下午在店里培养出来的那一点少得可怜的festive mood也消失殆尽。我们看了一部片子，然后趴在床上开始random地看各种喜剧，从Everybody Hates Chris 到 How I met you Mother。 时间慢慢消磨在百无聊赖中，十二点钟时甚至忘记说Merry Christmas。
V说我们的圣诞多像正常的日子啊。我说我们的圣诞多么苍白啊。
可是仿佛是两个太过于熟识的人，所以懒得在对方面前装出兴奋的样子。何况，let's face it，在早晨五点钟起床并且工作了九个小时之后，剩下的力气只够数着钟表到十二点。
Ian走的时候轻轻地拥抱我，温和地说Have a Happy Christmas. 那一刻感到Christmas的温馨。他总是那么nice的一个人，一个平凡的认真的人，心肠好的让人窝心。
不大的公寓两个人一起过冷清的圣诞，并不觉得很孤单。我们没有疯狂没有喝酒没有喝醉，是因为已经把这些做过太多遍了，并不需要像赶集一样地赶在这一天做。我觉得没有出去是很正确的选择，英国人一年三百五十九天窝在家里发霉，只有圣诞，新年和Rugby比赛的时候赶着趟地往大街上涌，犯不着凑那个热闹。
我再不像去年那样听周华健的《平安夜》，想着那些伤感的往事。面对汹涌而来的节日浪潮，第一次感到镇静。